He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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