life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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