Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize