you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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