dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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