i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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