i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize