Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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