Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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