he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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