i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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