Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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