so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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