pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize