Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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