Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
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I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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