omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just google imaged poop.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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