where am i from again
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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