I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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