do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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