Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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