can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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