Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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