My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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