then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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