I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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