We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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