woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
vagina is talking i cant
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize