YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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