my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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