Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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