Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
time to smoke my breakfast
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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