Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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