Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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