Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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