im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My cat gives me a boner
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize