Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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