I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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