i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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