How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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