I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize