I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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