I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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