Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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