Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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