I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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