I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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