I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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