There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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