proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize